Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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