Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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