My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
