You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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