This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
