Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
