The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
