If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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