the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
