So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have aggressive nipples.
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