He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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