So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
