they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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