New invention idea: vibrating tampons
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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