My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
