Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
