My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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