just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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