I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
