You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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