I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
