I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
