My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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