Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
