Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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