I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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