it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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