so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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