We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
