if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
