my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
