sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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