Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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