Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
