You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
