u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
