Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
