Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
