its not stalking. its research.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
