i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
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