Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
