Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
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Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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