..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
