dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dignity is for republicans.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
