You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
