I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
