Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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