I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
