Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
