Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
