Yo dont text me then not text me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
