hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
