Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
