On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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