Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm like, not good at living.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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