I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
