i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
