it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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