so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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