if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
