i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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