she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
