pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
