i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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