I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
