Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
