dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
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