U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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