You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
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her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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