if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
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i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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