so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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