My Higher Power is John Stamos
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
