HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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