I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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