I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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