I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
