DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
