Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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